First
by Lizwontcry
Summary: It's so wrong, but it feels so right...Elena and Alaric evaluate their feelings for each other over the years.


**A/N - Sooo I've been a Delena kind of person since the first season, but something about Alaric and Elena's scenes together lately have been so unnfffff. So yeah...I had to make this happen. Thanks for reading, and I'd love to hear your thoughts.**

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><p>The first time Elena Gilbert realized she had any kind of feelings for Alaric Saltzman-feelings that went beyond mentorteacher/friend-was when she walked into her house and saw him kissing the crazy doctor chick.

Okay, so her name was Meredith, but Elena didn't care about her name at the moment, or anything else about her. All she cared about was the weird reaction her stomach was having to watching this kiss occur. Obviously Ric ended it as soon as she walked in, but the damage was done. As soon as Meredith left, he apologized profusely. This was Elena's house, and Jenna's memory was still alive, and he couldn't believe he let it happen. Elena forgave him, of course, but the butterflies lingered behind. The kind of butterflies normally reserved for Damon most of the time during those long, hard days. She didn't know where it was coming from, or why. Ric, really? That wasn't cool.

Later, in the kitchen, Alaric made Elena a cup of coffee. She was mostly silent, trying to process what was going on in her head and body.

"What's up with you tonight?" Alaric asked. "I mean, aside from the obvious." By all accounts, her day was not that strenuous, even with getting tied up, pulling shards of wood out of her vampire ex-boyfriend, watching Bonnie's mom drag her best friend to the car under compulsion...it was just one of the many ridiculous days in a string of ridiculous days. People got hurt when vampires lived among them.

"I don't know...my stomach is feeling weird. I think I ate some bad Indian food earlier or something."

Alaric grimaced, as though the very thought made his stomach hurt, too.

"Well, there's some Pepto in the medicine cabinet," he said. "Maybe some rest will help. Why don't you go to bed? You've had a long day. Again."

But as Elena drifted off to sleep, she started thinking that Pepto and resting was not going to help her stomach. She had feelings for Alaric, and they weren't friendly feelings. She wanted to get to the bottom of this-why was she feeling this way? Was she just so tired of trying to get Stefan to feel anything again, and tired of trying to get Damon to stop feeling too much? Maybe. But she loved how protective Alaric had become. More than a father. He was a friend. And she respected him. And he talked to her like an adult. Like she was his equal when in fact he was almost twice her age. Plus, he was smoking hot. A fact she spent a lot of time trying to deny.

Part of her knew these feelings were absolutely forbidden and she felt horrible about it. He was the only person in her life who had any authority over her; the only adult she felt she could confide in without consequences. He was twice her age! And he still wasn't over Jenna's death. None of them were. Before Jenna died, he was this close to becoming Elena's uncle. Not to mention the fact he was married to her birth mother a lifetime ago. Please, let's not mention that. It was definitely wrong. But something about it just didn't_feel_ wrong.

Another part of her felt relief. Relief that finally, FINALLY she was having feelings for someone other than a vampire. She loved Stefan and the role he played in her life before it all started sucking. And she loved the game she and Damon played. The tantalizing excitement she always felt when he was in the room. And that kiss...but the whole thing was exhausting, and she was starting to daydream about leaving Mystic Falls for a long, long time. College was right around the corner. When nobody was looking, she was researching every college in the country. It was time to make her own life; one without witches and vampires and werewolves everywhere she turned. But the one person she knew she'd miss the most was human. And the thought of leaving Alaric behind made her stomach hurt even worse. 

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><p>The first time Elena Gilbert tried to do anything about her feelings for Alaric Saltzman, she was predictably drunk out of her freakin' mind. It was her graduation party, and in a few days, she'd be leaving for college. Bowdoin College in Maine was where she was going to spend the next four years or so of her life. It was only about 800 miles away, so it was close enough to not feel entirely too homesick, and far enough away from Mystic Falls to get her distance and catch her breath. Plus, it snowed a lot. She loved the snow.<p>

Over the past couple of months, Elena's feelings got harder and harder to ignore. Even being in a room with Alaric was torture, but it was also exciting. Meanwhile, Damon and Stefan came to blows over the fact that Elena didn't seem to care about either one of them as much as she used to. Not to mention how much they disapproved of her going to college so far away from them. Both Damon and Stefan offered to go with her. To protect her. It took Elena a long time to convince them that outside of Mystic Falls, she didn't need protecting.

On the day of her party, she'd been drinking for hours when she finally got enough courage to approach Alaric. He wasn't exactly encouraging her to drink, but he wasn't trying to discourage her, either. Elena figured he knew she needed a day off from being herself. That was the thing about Ric-he was always so damn thoughtful.

In some ways she was feeling a little disloyal about wanting to seduce Alaric on the porch, as that was sort of her and Damon's flirting place. It's where he'd kissed Katherine when he thought it was her. And it was where he kissed her a few months ago when he _knew_ it was her. But it was time to forget about Damon. As gorgeous and special and loyal as he was, Elena had to move on. So she did.

Alaric was outside on the porch looking up at the sky when Elena found him. She stumbled over to him and giggled. He sighed, but looked at her fondly anyway.

"I think someone's had a little bit too much to drink," he said. "I hope you're not thinking of leaving the house tonight."

"Why would I want to leave?" She slurred. "Everything I want is right under this roof."

Alaric wasn't sure what to think of that. Elena figured he was probably confused, since Stefan had already come and gone, disinterested in the whole affair, and Damon hadn't made it yet and probably wouldn't for a few more hours. He liked to make a dramatic entrance. So technically, in Ric's mind, there was nobody else in the house she'd want. Or was there?

"Well, okay, whatever. Do you need anything? This is your night, you know. I'm here to cater to your every whim."

Elena drunkenly chuckled, which did not sound attractive to anybody. "I have a few ideas, actually. But that would be...inappropriate." She was not being subtle and she didn't care. Elena had feelings for Alaric and she was tired of denying it. And in her drunken state, she was convinced that he needed to know.

"Elena...you really need to slow down on the beers. You know, Matt is here. Go back inside. Maybe you can drunkenly hit on him."

"But I don't...have feelings for him," she managed to say. Before Alaric could react to that, she stood on her tippy toes, grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him. And he didn't pull away. Not at first. For a few seconds, Elena got to feel what it was like to kiss Alaric. And it was everything she thought it would be and more.

Alaric managed to pull away, confused and disgusted and maybe, just maybe, a little turned on. Maybe he wanted more. Maybe he even shared her feelings, Elena thought. But someone had to be the adult here.

Alaric grabbed Elena's hands and held them. She knew she wasn't going to like what he was about to say, but she enjoyed the touch of his hands on hers. "Whatever you think you feel, it's not happening," he whispered. "It can't. You understand that, right?"

Elena nodded. "I know. I'm sorry. But..."

"But you're just going to go inside and enjoy the rest of the party. We'll pretend this didn't happen. In a few days I'll drive you to Maine and you'll start over."

"But...aren't you going to miss me at all?" She whispered, trying to look as innocent as possible. It wasn't like she didn't know the effect she had on the men of Mystic Falls. Usually she tried her best not to send out the vibes. But she wanted Ric to feel every single vibe in her body.

"Of course I am. I will miss you every day. A lot of people in this town will miss you every day. But you deserve to leave, Elena. You deserve to enjoy yourself; stop worrying about what your vampire boyfriends are doing and have a little fun. I don't want you to go...but you can't stay. For a lot of reasons."

In that moment, Elena knew he had some kind of feelings for her. Maybe they weren't the same as the ones she had for him. Maybe they weren't as intense. Maybe he would never act on it, never speak of it, never do anything about it, but he had them. And at that moment, at that time in her life, Elena was okay with just that much.

"Okay," she said. "Thank you." She smiled at him, and he smiled back. After a few awkward moments, he gave her a hug she'd remember for the rest of her life. So much left unsaid. But the hug said it all. 

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><p>The first time Elena Gilbert knew Alaric Saltzman's feelings matched her own was her junior year in college.<p>

Elena could count how many times she'd seen Alaric since he dropped her off at Bowdoin three years ago. Eight. She'd been home for holidays, and he'd come with Bonnie and Caroline once and once with Damon, on one of their many road trips together. Damon still had that look in his eye; one she still found intriguing and if she were a weaker person, she'd still fall for it. And Stefan had come to see her three times now. He'd finally broken free of Klaus and wanted to repair their relationship. Elena thought about it. For a week, she thought of nothing but Stefan. Eventually she came to her senses-no more vampires.

She was doing well at school. Making friends, getting good grades, joining clubs...doing everything she could to leave her life in Mystic Falls behind. She had boyfriends occasionally, but she found that she was bored easily around most of the men at school. There wasn't anything wrong with them, she just wanted more. More what, she didn't know. Eventually she came to the conclusion that it was more Alaric.

Alaric came to visit by himself during her junior year. He took her to lunch and told her about the newest woman he was seeing. Elena tried as hard as she could to contain her jealousy. All these years, and she'd never been able to forget about her feelings for him. In fact, they only grew every time she saw him. But she was getting used to this unrequited love thing. It was easier, really. She didn't have to see his face when he rejected her that way.

"So have you finally picked a major yet?" Alaric asked over burgers and fries. Elena wasn't sure why he decided to come visit without anyone this time; it was a first. But it was nice. They hadn't been alone together since the infamous night on the porch.

"I have. I was this close to picking psychology, but I chose, well...history."

Alaric looked up from his fries and looked genuinely surprised. He smiled, and it was the most endearing thing Elena had ever seen.

"Really? That's interesting. What are you going to do with that degree?"

"I was thinking of teaching. It was never what I originally planned but I'm just drawn to it for some reason." She smiled at him, hoping her admission wouldn't creep him out. To her relief, he smiled back. Proudly. Happily. Sexily.

She wasn't majoring in history because she wanted to impress Alaric or anything crazy like that. Okay, maybe that was part of the reason. It was just, he'd helped her so much in her crazy journey in life, and she thought maybe she could take that experience and use it to help others who needed it as much as she did. Elena felt like she had a lot of wisdom to offer students in high school. If she could handle vampires, she could handle teenagers.

"I'm not sure what to say about that..." he said. "So I'll just eat another fry." Although he was trying to play it cool, Elena could tell something in his heart was genuinely changing at that moment. And she could also tell he probably wasn't that crazy over the new chick he'd been seeing. Something told her that this may be going in her own direction, and she hoped with every fiber of her soul that she was right.

He picked up a fry from the basket they were sharing just as Elena reached for one, too. Predictably, their fingers met. Sure, it was over greasy and salty fries, but it still caused them both an inner butterfly or two.

Later, Elena took Alaric back to her dorm room. She hated living in a dorm but a waitressing gig wasn't exactly providing her the extra money for off-campus housing. Ric talked about selling the house for the income, but Elena could not allow that to happen. It was the only thing left from before. She _needed_ that house.

Elena's roommate Sara was on her computer when she came in with Alaric.

"Sara, this is Alaric," Elena said proudly.

"Wow," Sara said, looking at him in a way Elena didn't approve of. "It's not like I've heard about you nonstop for three years or anything."

"I've heard about you, too," Alaric said. "I hope none of it is true."

Sara laughed and went back to her computer. Alaric sat down on Elena's bed, looking awkward. Elena sat at her desk. They talked about Jeremy and Caroline and Bonnie and broody Damon and heartbroken Stefan until Sara finally got the point.

"Oh, uh, I just remembered...I have class," Sara said, so not subtly. She raced out of the room and finally Ric and Elena were alone. She sat down next to him on the bed. They regarded each other quietly until Alaric took Elena's hand in his. She shivered. He smiled.

"It means a lot to me that you would want to be a teacher," he said. "I'm so proud of you. You really deserved to get away from all the Mystic Falls madness and you've come into your own. You've come a long way from that little girl on the porch the night of your graduation."

So he hadn't forgotten about that night. Neither had she. She thought about it almost every single day (and night). And how much she wanted a repeat. So Elena took a deep breath and told him what she thought he needed to know. Again.

"Ric, maybe I was a little younger than I am now, but I wasn't too drunk to not know what I was doing that night. And every single emotion I felt on the porch? None of it has faded. I may be almost three years older, but I'm not a different person."

He looked confused. She thought he had a lot of things to say but had no idea how to say them. Probably just as much as she wanted to say. But she didn't want to talk anymore. All she wanted to do now was kiss him again. And she felt it slipping out of her grasp with every passing moment.

"It's not that easy, Elena. We're family. We have connections that go further than what normal people have endured. It's...wrong. I can't exploit you like...like that. I could never forgive myself."

For some reason, this answer surprised her. "Have you thought about it?"

He exhaled. "Of course I have. God, Elena, I miss you so much. Everyone does, but I don't think they miss you the way I do. I've never been able to get you out of my head. And more than that...I don't want to get you out of my head."

"Maybe it can be that easy, though...we are unconventional people. We've been through unconventional things. Maybe we can be together unconventionally. Maybe we could make it work. Nobody would believe the things we've been though, but the two of us? We know. We don't have to explain it. We went through it together. And you know what? We deserve to make ourselves happy. And I think we can do that...for each other."

He looked at her, really looked at her, and she felt him. She felt him in every single part of her and hoped he felt the same way.

"Maybe," he said. "All I know is that I need you so much, I can't even think straight. I haven't been able to for years. What is this? Why did it happen to us?"

"Ric..." she breathed. He looked at her. She took a deep breath and went in, hoping he'd be there when it counted. Seconds later, she felt his lips on hers, and it was like she could finally breathe again. He wrapped his arms around her and soon they were tangled together, lips dancing in a seamless rhythm. Maybe it was wrong. There were so many reasons why they shouldn't feel the way they felt, but only they could understand the reasons for why they did. And that was all that mattered in Elena's dorm room the day they kissed for the second time. 

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><p>The first time Elena Gilbert and Alaric Saltzman made love was the day she graduated from college. They didn't exactly choose to wait that long, but it seemed right in a way-she kissed him for the first time on graduation day four years earlier, and now they were finally taking it a step further.<p>

For the last year of school, Elena and Ric had been doing what most people call dating, but it was low-key and mysterious. They didn't tell anyone-they weren't ready. When she came back to Mystic Falls after graduating, they'd tell everyone together. It was bound to cause the usual small town scandal.

They waited so long to make love for no other reason than to make sure it was special. It wasn't easy. There were many nights in the back of Ric's car or in his hotel room or outside her room at the dorm (one hand firmly on the doorknob, one hand on the back of his head, knowing she should open the door and go back to reality but not wanting to stop kissing him, _never stop kissing him_) when things got almost too steamy to stop. But they always managed to compose themselves and walk away before letting it happen.

Everyone wanted to come to graduation but Alaric, at Elena's request, convinced them to wait until her party in a few days. She wanted this to be just about the two of them. And when he took her back to his hotel room when it was all over, it was just the two of them, and their lips, and their hands, and their bare skin. It wasn't awkward. It was different-Elena couldn't help but notice how different he was from Stefan or the few go-arounds she'd had in college. He knew what he was doing, and not in the way Stefan did with his hundreds of years of experience. She felt so comfortable in his arms, and the two of them came together in a way that felt completely natural.

"I want that to happen again," he whispered in her ear. They were both naked, under the covers, lights turned off, complete silence in the room except for the hum of the air conditioner.

"It will. Soon." And five minutes later, it did. 

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><p>The first time Elena Gilbert-Saltzman and Alaric Saltzman looked back on their lives together with any formality was on their 25th wedding anniversary. Their 20-year-old daughter Isobel (okay, some might think that was an ironicstrange/just plain disturbing choice for a name, but they thought it was the perfect tribute) put the party together for them, and it featured a slide show of all their major moments. Alaric had just retired, and Elena was approaching her 26th year at Mystic Falls High. She never would have pictured her life like this when she was going through the trials and tribulations of a vampire girlfriend, but she was happy and relieved that it turned out this way.

Damon and Stefan turned up to the occasion. Elena wasn't surprised-her daughter had a bit of a crush on the boys. Not that Elena could blame her.

"25 years," Stefan told Elena when he had a moment alone with her in the kitchen. She was eating a piece of cake, and he was looking at her like she _was_ the piece of cake. "I can't say I don't often wish it was me."

Elena gave him a sad smile and kissed him on the cheek. "It could have been. But your loyalty to Damon came before your love for me. It was a choice you had to make, and I'll never blame you for that."

And later, when she was putting more gifts on a table in the dining room, Damon materialized out of nowhere and whispered in her ear, "So the kiss wasn't that good, huh?"

"It was fine, Damon," she said, again giving him a sad smile. She would always love her vampire boys. They just couldn't stay out of trouble. "But your loyalty to Stefan came before your love for me. And I'll never blame you for that."

Well, it was true, wasn't it?

When all the guests had left, including Caroline and Matt and their adopted daughter, and Bonnie and her husband, Alaric, Elena and Isobel squeezed together on a loveseat and discussed all the gossip of the evening. Isobel eventually knowingly excused herself and the two of them sat together silently, holding on to each other tightly.

"Well, it wasn't pretty, but it happened," Elena said. "Here we are, 25 years later, and nobody had to die or be sacrificed or turned into a werewolf..."

Alaric bared his "fangs" to her and she giggled and punched him in his still muscular arms. Of course they'd been through some adventures in their years together. He was still an active vampire hunter, and she'd always be the doppelganger. But all the drama made life more interesting. When Elena was 17 and she told Stefan on a mountain at sunset that she didn't want to be a vampire; she wanted to grow old and have babies and go through what every human experiences, this is what she had in mind. It might not have been the perfect beginning, but it would be the perfect end.


End file.
